


Lost Love

by writerofsorts67



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Character Death, Endgame AU, F/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23198254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerofsorts67/pseuds/writerofsorts67
Summary: Summary: Endgame AU | After time-traveling back to the past to be with Peggy, Steve realizes that his present and future belong with the reader (his girlfriend whom he left behind) only, and returns to the current timeline (2023) to pursue that life with her.Warnings: major angst, character death, first time writing super angst with mcu characters, poor time travel understanding.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s), Steve Rogers/Reader, Steve Rogers/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 56





	Lost Love

Steve Rogers had strongly believed that this was the life he wanted. Ever since waking up in 2011, on the inside, this was the life he had imagined and regretted on missing out. Yet, here he was--back in the forties with the love of his life, Peggy. Everything should've felt right as he had firmly believed they would be. 

But, they didn't. In fact, things had never felt so wrong. 

All because of the vision he kept seeing. The vision of the beautiful [Y/E/C]-eyed girl, who had managed to capture a place in his heart when he woke up in the new world after being frozen for almost seventy years. 

[Y/N] [Y/L/N] was her name. 

She was one of the several civilians to get affected by the particle accelerator explosion in Central City and had gotten her ice powers because of it. Afraid of her new abilities, she flew from Central City and ended up in New York, where she caught the attention of Nick Fury. The director of SHIELD wasn't one to let go of someone so incredible and had offered her a place in the Avengers. Especially after the reassurance of teaching her to better use her powers, she had accepted, wanting to do her part in keeping the world a safe place. She was absolutely amazing as days passed by and she was definitely a valuable asset to the Avengers. 

Not only was she a badass rather Steve would describe her as one of the few kindest human beings he had ever met. She was always there to lift everyone up even during her own darkest times and he admired her for it. That was one of the reasons he wanted to be the one to give her a shoulder to lean on when the world got too much for her. And, she let him. 

Before they knew it, they had fallen in love and were in a happy, healthy relationship. Even when Thanos snapped half of earth's population away, they moved on with each other's help and love. 

Then, he went back to the seventies with Tony to retrieve one of the infinity stones and saw her. His first love, Peggy Carter. All those feelings he thought he had let go, came rushing in. 

He eventually returned back to the present, though. He had to. They had a war to win. 

They defeated Thanos. The victory came with costs, however. They lost Natasha Romanov and Tony Stark.

[Y/N] decided to stay with Pepper and Morgan for a while, and Steve had readily agreed. By the lake, he had kissed the [Y/H/C]-haired woman with all the love he had for her. She clutched onto him just as desperately, tired with the losses they had suffered. 

"Come back to me soon," she had whispered against his heart as they embraced. 

"I will," was his reply. 

A lie. 

The last thing he felt was his heart breaking into million pieces inside his chest at the smile she rewarded him with. The bright smile that he loved so much and would greatly miss. 

Twenty four hours later, he was in 'his' time, at a normal house with his first love. It was everything he had expected with Peggy. At least, that was what he told himself every time he felt that empty spot in his heart get bigger and bigger.

As days passed, what he did not expect was to wake up next to a [Y/H/C]-haired woman with bright [Y/E/C] eyes, smiling up at him. The first time it happened, he had stopped breathing for a moment and it took him several minutes before his brain processed the fact that the woman next to him was not [Y/N] rather Peggy.

It didn't stop there, though. He saw [Y/N] in the kitchen, baking her favorite chocolate cupcakes instead of Peggy. He saw [Y/N] standing by the windows and sipping her coffee in the morning light instead of Peggy. He started to see [Y/N] everywhere instead of Peggy. 

What broke his resolve more was the fact that he actually wished that the woman next to him was [Y/N], instead of Peggy. Once again, he found himself living a life full of 'could've been's.' Except this time, it was with [Y/N].

It didn't take him long to realize that this was not what he wanted to anymore. The life with Peggy was something he wished for during the wars. It was unfortunate that he never got that chance and one couldn't change fate. 

Now, did he realize that the same fate had given him a second chance with another wonderful woman. Not a lot of people got second chances like he did and he realized how foolish he had been to throw it away for a life he dreamt of once upon a time. 

He could've had the same life he dreamt of with [Y/N], the woman who held his heart in her hands; the fact, which he only realized now as he lived a lost life with Peggy. He loved Peggy -- he really did and a part of him always would. 

But, [Y/N]... his sweet [Y/N]. He loved her more. He was in love with her. She owned each and every part and corner of his heart, and he understood it now. A life without her was not a life at all.

And, so, he set on to fix it. As Peggy slept peacefully in the bed they had been sharing for a couple of months, he slipped out with a parting kiss to her forehead. 

The preparations felt like a blur and before he knew it, he was standing on the time travel platform in the same middle of the woods in 2023. Sam, Bruce, and Bucky smiled at the sight of him; although, surprise was completely evident on his childhood best friend's face. Steve smiled back at them, wordlessly promising an explanation later with his eyes to Bucky. However, Steve did notice that his three friends' smiles seemed tired and almost forced. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind, thinking their somber moods had to do with the tragic losses of Nat and Tony. 

"Hey, punk," Bucky whispered, almost breathlessly in disbelief as Steve came to hug him. 

The blond super soldier patted his friend's back with affection before pulling back from the hug. He gave one more smile to Bucky before moving to greet Sam and Bruce. Once the pleasantries were done and after Steve gifted a brand new shield to Sam, handing over the title of Captain America to the latter, the four of them walked back to Pepper and Tony's cabin in somewhat of a comfortable silence. As they reached near the house, they saw some of their fellow Avengers lounging by the lake, waving when their eyes met. Bruce decided to hang out with Clint and Scott outside, while Steve, Bucky and Sam moved to enter the house. Bucky and Sam walked in front of him, and Steve stopped at the doorway, his breath hitching, as he took in the sight in front of him. 

Tony Stark. 

A very much alive Tony Stark was sitting on the couch with Morgan in his lap and Pepper by his side as they conversed with Maria and Hope. Tony's eyes met Steve's and the billionaire gave a tired, lop-sided smile. 

"I know I'm pretty, but you're creeping me out, Capsicle."

The man, who looked like Tony, even sounded like Tony, and Steve didn't know what to believe. Was he hallucinating? Was he just imagining Tony's presence, because he missed his good friend? But, an imaginary Tony wouldn't hand over Morgan to Pepper before getting up from the couch and walk towards Steve, now, right? Imaginary Tony wouldn't be standing in front of him with a concerned look in his eyes and put a worried hand on his shoulder, would he? 

"Hey, you alright?" Tony asked in a rare soft tone and Steve only gaped at the man in front of him in disbelief. 

"Steve?" Bucky's soft call of his name pulled him out of his thoughts and he briefly glanced over at his best friend before looking at Tony again, who raised a worried brow. 

Without any verbal response, Steve hugged Tony. His eyes were teary as he hugged the friend that he saw die in their battle with Thanos. 

How was Tony alive? 

The question rested on the tip of his tongue, yet Steve was unable to voice it out due to the unshed tears that kept him almost choked. Deep down, he was afraid. He couldn't help but be worried that he had messed something up with the timeline. Yet, the fear flew out of his mind when Tony pulled back from the hug to give him a friendly smile. 

"Everything go alright?" Tony asked. 

"Yeah," Steve nodded with a small smile, unshed tears shining in his eyes. 

Tony nodded back with a smile as well, clapping Steve's shoulder gently before moving to join his wife and daughter. 

Steve let out a deep breath as the chatter around him picked up again. He moved further inside the house to join Bucky, Sam, Carol and Nick. He couldn't participate in the conversation much -- at all -- as his eyes wandered around the room, looking for his girl. He pretty much saw every single member of their family, except for her, which confused him. In case, even if she was busy, she surely must've heard all the commotion by now, right? She definitely must've heard his voice? He didn't see her anywhere outside, so it was only possible that she was inside somewhere. How come she hadn't come to greet him with that beautiful smile of hers and a welcome back kiss, both gestures, which he missed so damn much in the time he had lived in his lost past. He had missed her dearly. 

He waited for a couple more minutes and gave up in the end, whispering to Bucky, asking about his sweetheart's whereabouts. 

"Buck?" he called quietly, placing his hand on Bucky's shoulder, gaining the man's attention. "Where's [Y/N/N]?" 

Steve watched as the curiosity in Bucky's eyes disappear, and give way to absolute shock and despair. Sam, Carol and Nick paused their conversation as well, staring at Steve, as they had heard his question as well. 

"What is it?" Steve asked with a frown when he noticed the four people gape at him as if he had grown another head. 

"That's not funny, Cap," Sam chided, his eyes hard, surprising Steve to the fullest. 

Unlike Steve's voice that had been quieter to the others, who were scattered around the cabin, Sam's response was loud and grabbed everyone's attention. The people inside the cabin had their eyes now on the small group Steve was standing with. 

"What's not funny, Sam?" Pepper asked worriedly. 

"Cap- Steve…" Sam gulped, his eyes angry and somber. "Steve just asked… where- where [Y/N/N] is." 

Steve watched as everyone's faces paled and their eyes rounded in shock at him. Even, little Morgan looked at him with a small frown before burrowing herself in her mother's arms. Before Steve could ask what was going on, Tony got up from his seat, his light features hardening. 

"I'm sorry," he said, sarcasm lacing his tone. "Did you say that Cap just asked for [Y/N/N]?" 

Sam nodded shortly, strictly keeping his gaze to the wooden floor beneath him. 

"I mean," Steve began, suddenly feeling nervous with all the eyes on him. "I mean everyone's here... and- and she's not."

"Of course, everyone else is here," Tony spat, his voice full of pain. "And, she's not."

Tony nodded to himself as if he was... accepting? He looked at Steve again with such disappointment in his eyes before walking out of the house with another loud scoff. Meanwhile, the others still looked at Steve with curiosity. That was putting it lightly, because Steve thought everyone looked at him as if he was a moron. 

"I- I don't..." Steve stammered; he had never felt so clueless (and a bit scared, as well) in his life. 

"Sorry," Bucky muttered to everyone else before grabbing Steve's arm and pulling him out of the house, and towards the backyard, where they were alone. 

"Buck, what's going on?" Steve asked once the two of them stopped, facing each other, and watched his best friend shake his head in almost annoyance. 

"What are you doing here, punk?" Bucky asked back. "No, seriously, what are you doing here? I thought- I thought you said that you were gonna stay back. With Peggy. So, what are you doing here?"

"I did," Steve answered with a small, sad smile. "I was there for almost five months. And, I couldn't do it, Buck. I couldn't."

"What do you mean?" Bucky questioned with a small frown of confusion.

"Peggy… I love her, Buck. I really do," Steve sighed. "But, she's not [Y/N], Buck. She's not my [Y/N]."

"Steve," Bucky whispered in disbelief. 

"The love I have for Peggy, Buck… it changed," Steve continued. "It's true that when I met her, I wanted to get the chance to know her… maybe marry her and have a family with her. Then, I went in the ice and everything changed. 

"I never realized that I actually moved on from Peggy just like she did from me. My love for Peggy is no longer the same as the initial feelings. It's all because of [Y/N/N]."

Steve was lost in his own world, thinking about his one true love that he completely missed the sympathy in Bucky's eyes for him. 

"I truly love [Y/N] with all my heart and I'm so mad for letting myself get distracted momentarily. I will forever punish myself for doing this to [Y/N], but that's why I came back. I'm going to tell her what happened -- what I did -- and I'm going to make it up to her. I can only hope that she can forgive me and give me another chance. 

"I love her so much, Buck. Now, when I think about my future, all I can see is [Y/N]. Anyone else… they feel so wrong. She's my present and future, Buck. I can't live without her." 

As Steve finished confessing his feelings for [Y/N] to him, Bucky's eyes pooled with tears. But, he was very confused. He just thought after what happened, staying with Peggy would be the best for Steve. As much as he'd miss his buddy, he didn't have the heart to talk Steve into staying in the present. On the other hand, seeing the genuine love in his best friend's eyes for [Y/N] and the reality about the said-woman broke his heart.

"Steve… I know that you love, [Y/N]," Bucky said with a sniffle. "But, after what happened… it was an all the more reason for you stay with Peggy."

"I don't understand," Steve said with a little shake of his head.

"Steve," Bucky said almost painfully. 

"What do you mean 'after what happened'?" Steve continued. "Buck, where is [Y/N]?"

Bucky breathed out in frustration and raked his fingers through his hair. He had no idea what was up with Steve. He found it hard to believe that Steve actually forgot what happened in the battle with Thanos. 

"Where's [Y/N], Buck?" Steve repeated with a suspicious glint in his eyes when he noticed the tears shining in the eyes of the former winter soldier.

"She's gone, Steve!" Bucky finally snapped. "She's gone." 

Steve's eyes widened and he could've sworn that his heart froze and the world around him came to a halt with Bucky's words. He could feel his heart beating again but so rapidly that he wouldn't have been surprised if the organ had jumped out of his chest. He felt like he couldn't breathe, remembering the asthma attacks his pre-serum self had suffered. But, this was much worse. 

Bucky's words and tears could only mean one thing. And, Steve refused to believe it. Even, the others' reaction, especially Tony's, could only mean the one, same thing now that he thought about it. But, no. That was not possible. This had to be a prank, Steve concluded in his head. A really mean prank.

"What do you mean?" Steve breathed out, willing himself to calm down.

"Don't make me say it again, punk," Bucky replied in slight anger, but more with pain. 

"No," Steve whispered, shaking his head furiously. "No, she can't be gone. [Y/N]'s not gone! She's not gone, Buck."

"Steve," Bucky whispered with pity, reaching out to touch his friend's shoulder, but the latter moved back. 

"No, Buck, she can't be gone!" Steve snapped; at this point, he was facing the ground and was talking to himself, completely in denial of the reality. "She was here, Buck. She was right here! She was going to stay with Pepper while I returned the stones and came back to her. And, I came back to right where I left in the first place!"

"That's not what happened, Steve," Bucky shook his head painfully. "I know it and you know it too."

"That's exactly what happened, Buck," Steve said, facing Bucky now. "After Tony's funeral--"

"Wait, what?" Bucky interrupted, utterly shocked. 

"Tony died, Buck," Steve said. "We won against Thanos all because of Tony. He- he snapped Thanos away and died in the process."

"That's not what happened, Steve," Bucky tried again. 

"And, now Tony's back," Steve muttered to himself before looking at Bucky. "I don't know how, but Tony's alive."

"Steve, Tony has always been alive," Bucky said. "We both know Tony didn't die, Steve. It's okay if you don't want to talk about what happened but please don't pretend like it didn't happen."

"What didn't happen, Buck?" Steve questioned impatiently. "Of course, Tony died, Buck. We all saw him die. I'm glad he's alive, though. The words needs Tony Stark. Just like the world needs Tony, I need my [Y/N]. Tell me, Buck -- where is she?!" 

"She's dead, Steve!" Bucky shouted the exact words Steve didn't want to hear or believe, crashing the latter's entire world. "It wasn't Tony, Steve. It was [Y/N]. She- she had the gauntlet… and she snapped Thanos away. She killed Thanos, Steve… and she died in the process. It wasn't Tony. It was… it was [Y/N]."

Bucky turned away from Steve and covered his face with his palm as tears rolled down his cheeks rapidly. As much as he loved the punk he called as his best friend, he wanted to hit him right where it hurt for making him relive [Y/N]'s death through his own words. She was one of the first people to make him feel like a person again and not just HYDRA's puppet. Her relationship with Steve could've been one of the reasons for her kindness towards him, but Bucky knew her efforts in getting to know him were very genuine. 

Behind a distressed Bucky, stood Steve. 

The First Avenger was rooted to his spot and the entire world around him stayed still with him. He could hear his heart literally thunder in his rib cage at Bucky's revelation. He didn't understand. He didn't want to understand. The fate - [Y/N]'s fate - Bucky just described happened to Tony. Not [Y/N]. Steve, himself, witnessed the billionaire wipe the titans away with a snap and sacrificed himself in the process as his girl stood next to him, crying over the loss of their friend, their family member.

As much as he didn't want to believe Bucky's words, a part of him felt it now. She wasn't here. She truly was gone. Every Avenger was here except for her. That explained everyone's disappointment and confusion when he had asked about her. They were grieving her loss. Especially Tony… he had always adored [Y/N], even calling her as his kid at times. 

His earlier suspicion was right. He did mess up the timeline when returning to 2023. Unfortunately, this mess of his was hard to clean up. 

"Oh god," he whispered, absolutely horrified as the harsh reality dawned upon him. 

The true love of his life was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This one shot is based on ‘Flashpoint’ time travel idea (from ‘The Flash’). Similar to Barry, in this fic, while returning to the original timeline, Steve creates an alternate one, where instead of Tony, reader/ofc has snapped Thanos away and died in the process. Sorry if its confusing and mainly for the angst! Thank you for reading, though. :)


End file.
